After 24 years of living, i made another conclusion again. People loves attention. Why would a person wants to look beautiful, nice, boop jobs? Because they wants to be looked at. Why is every teenager's dream is to be someone or "something" unique? So they can be noted out of the whole pool of "others". No doubt that i fall into one of these category, as i am like the others, is just only human. But is it an excuse to be in such a way of life, to live to be noted, a slave to fashions, trend, or whatsoever, just to fit into a community. In psychology, these experts says that human wants the sense of belonging among others. One would go insane if is isolated. But some human had go to the extreme to acheive that. Example, peircings, what are they for, whats the whole objective of peircings? I know i did it for attention, so i would look "cool" among the others, to make me feel that i am a better person than those not peirced. But in the end does it really serve the objective of fowarding me as a better person? or rather it just a self injected ego?

I had learn that in life, people cared too much about what other thinks. Is it not important that what we think of our self is rather more important? Our everyday judgement is so tainted with the input of the surrounding, that we live base on others judgement rather than ours. We in a restaurant, we need to be tidy and nice, eat in a proper manner. We need to be in branded good to be among the tops. And so some crack exploited us, our weakness of belonging to the society, and commercialize our everyday life. WHat is a brand? What is nike, armani and so on. I don't deny that i am one of them. But i realised from a sudden wake from my sleep that i am just another slave trying to be an unique INDIVIDUAL, and only i did not acheive that, i became a slave to fashion, brand~!. So in the end, what is individualism? The more you try to pull yourself out from the pool, the more you become into another. I guess i really contradict my self in this post, but i really am confused. On my right, i have my natural sense of belonging to the community, and on my left, my rebelling sense of unique individualism..........i think i will go back to sleep then........Life is sure one big problem it self. Prolly i'll just let it be........and let shit comes, let things happens on its own, and prolly thats just me, doing what i want at a certain time, no matter what people think about me.....

finally i had a new layout, i know its not much, but i sure am satisfy with it, {=o)))))), and i finally know how to draw using the stupid photoshop and also how to shade....whopeee. Alas, but i stuill suck in shading.....so anyone got a tip .........pls pls pls drop me a mail or something ok? Lotsa luv. The drunken devil!!
Oh yea i am going to PD tomorrow, word up!!!hehe oh yeah i oughta post my working desk here.......kinda messy, but whadda ya expect from a guy like me??

I am constructing my new layout, it will be posted soon, i hope it will turn out just like i wanted it...

I really don't know who i am anymore, its liek i live a double life, one part of me wanted to be the softer side, thjen another part of me wanted to be who i was again. Totally in a confused state right now. I really wanted to be a a guy with a moderate life, just go to work, have a gerat cup of coffee with some friends over the weekend, play some sports, but i felt so...unlike me. I just love the high and lows of my past, to live with excitement, to do stupid things. Well most of the time i know its stupid, but i have no idea why do i do it. Does excitement means so much to me? Everyday i woke up i felt that my life is so empty. Its already became a routine to me, to go work, go out, go work go out. But i do know excitement comes with a high price, well at least it is to me. Should i go for excitement or stability?.................*sigh*

I saw the vcd, and my mom told me i have 7 days to clean my room. *Shriek*. Oh i have watched the ring, *both version* tho the english one was scarier. But what i don't understand is that its more like a mystery movie like those detectives sloving cases rather than a horro flick. Weird..
Oh yea, samurai deeper kyon was pretty ok, not a very famous anime, but its good, i think i'll rate it 3/5 for now. Cuz i just finished the 4th episode. Demon Eyes kyo is way awsome. Well lazy to tell a whole buncha stories here so if you read this, go watch your self.
I really dunno is it me or Jane is getting more sacarstic lately, and well Janice......she is so......hrmm "evil" its like she has a plot running. As for Bash,and J-han......both of them seems to eb so distance, i really have no idea why..well i've tried to be nice, n friendly, and i did what ever i could, but they just seems so distance,........oh well, fuck it, i don't need any one.......

Heh, i am PREPARED!!!!!!!!!!!Yesterday was the most fucking boreing day in my life. I had sit in the office for 8 fucking hours doing nothing but counting pixels. Its really sad. So this morning i got up, i brought a whole buncha PS games and "import" to my office. Yeah, u heard me, so i started with some GT, the power of skyline!! yes yes yes, muahaha. Try kicking a 320 horse power machine! Well i just started so i have to give my self some credit, that secondhand just initially was just 275 hp!~.-_-;;.
Well after like 10 undefeated laps, u'll grow bored. So i move on to Vagrant Story. Thats one awsome game to play man... I got hooked up like 1:00 to 7:00 playing that game. But fucks, the save game din't work, so i have to start all over again tommorow. I think i'm in stage 2 or 3, beating the giant stone golem dude. Well i know i sounded like some loser geek that stuck with computer games, but what else can i do ?? i have to sit in the office, so fuck being cool and shit, games kill boredom! Para Salud! Adios Monch Chos.

Just another boring day, it sucks when u have too much work, yet it also sucks when there is no work at all...man, what am i gonna do for tomorrow????

I used to hate sg wang, the place is soOOOoooo complex, not to mention how hard it is to locate a shop, its a fucking maze i tell u. But all that had changed today. Thats the place to buy stuff man!!!
Went out with CC today, the last time i saw that ass is like 1-2 months ago, i think. Called him out of the blue the other day. Well i have this weird habit of calling my friends at random. So we decided to do something this week end. But on sunday we couldn't make it so we went out today. As usual, we talked alot of cock, what we talked it totally meaningless, so no point telling it here. We chilled out in sg for like 5 hrs i think, my parking is like 6 bucks...shit man...We walked around checking some cool gears, shoes, shirts, CDs...Heh i got this 2 great CDs, its dance cd, very much house, erm i for got thier name,(well actually i know, but i can't spell it right, cd's in my car). I totally loved the shop, it has all sorts of trance and house music. We also went to BB plaza to check out some 2nd hand shoes, and classical adidas jacket. Adidas 4 ever man.........I think i'm gonna be back there to buy some tees, most prolly next week i hope. Hang around till 5:00 i think, then we moved back to my car for some loudness. Heh, we pumped one of the cd in, and jacked the vol to 26,(trust me, 26 is loud, u can hear it if stand beside it, and with my windows down, it became a typical ah beng car, sammore i playing "Feng tau" songs, damn, i think i just become a ah beng. Anyway, we push the vol so high, its like in club, we have to shout to each other. Well of course its kinda menace to do that, but i just love the beat, how the air rush towards u on every beat. Just like whne i stand infrony of the speakers during "elevation*".
Well at least today i did something, so i am pretty happy for the day.[=o).

*elevation = genting held a rave on august 24. Best rave ever had.

Things u do when u are bored, it looked like i have did a personal research on marilyn manson, he is a freak!!mebbe just to get attention i guess, but who am i to say such things? But if you watch his videos, u will find what i say is true.Then again, i liked his music, i really wonder why.....am i a freak too? so mentally distorted, angered soul just like him? I hope not, but within 2 days, i had downloaded like 6 of his music videos, distrubed by the videos?..yes, but i like the music.......WHY????
So i dig deeper into the band, and find out thier discography, thier band members, how they started in 1989, with famous women 1st name and killers as thier last name. How many band members had they changed.

I found out i am not the only one in the world with a overdosed pms mom. ANd i think yu san's mom is way weirder then mine, tho some times she makes me wanna just slap her in the face. Somehow reading what her mom did to her, i feel more comfartable, better, cuz i am not the only one. Well i know its a fucked up thing to do, but what the fuck man, i am only human, and i can't control how i feel, if i feel better then its just it, well u can lie and say "awww thats awful thing your mom did, i felt sorry for u" and shit like that, but thats just now how i felt. And yeah i do feel sad for her, cuz i know how it is to have a mom like that. But lucky me, she kinda afraid of me, cuz ppl just don't like it when i get mad. And i seldom get mad.... angry yes, but mad....that i guess i only had once, and my mom totally stoned. I still rememebr i had and accident with my project, it was all ruined, and i was fucking sad about it cuz i been doing it for the past one month..alone...and when i burn it into a cd, it sorta like corrupted, and i din't had a back up. So i have to do it all over again. So i was fucking sad and mad at my self. But my mon had to open her big mouth and yak at me. I was so furious, i turn the table around, i say some bad stuff which i can't remember, and i just walked out.....when i came home, my mom din't say a word, i just walked into my room. Then she just pretend nothing had happend. ,
I guess some times u just have to tell ppl who u are, no matter how close ther are to you. They may know u for your whole life, but not necessary they understands u.
Damn, i also just realise, i have no friends, to day i been browsing thru my phonebook, and i realised that all my friends is either gone, or we have distanced our self. I saw malcolm today...and i just don't know who is anymore. Its like we just met each other. We used to tok a whole lotsa shit........Damn i am too depress to type on,..fuck the world.

There its official, this month i am broke!
Weird u know, i think i am changing, i used to love rap, hip hop, but now, i am moving to anger music. Listning to RATM, Marilyn Manson, slipnot....its all weird. Used hate all these screams, but how come now its music to my ears??SOmetimes i just don't understand me.
This fews days, I've been isolating myself, from friends, faimily, just me and the box. I don't know whats wrong with me, prolly i am going thru a deep stage of depression, I really have no idea.
Well i have to go fix the oven now...........

"Dried Up, Tied And Dead To The World"

you cut off all of your fingers
trade them in for dollar bills
cake on some more make-up to
cover up all those lines
wake up and stop shaking
don't you want some of this?
don't you need some of this?
you take but cannot be given
you ride but cannot be ridden
pinch this tiny heart of mine
Wrap it up in soiled twine
You never read what you've written
I'll be your lover, i'll be forever
I'll be tomorrow, i am anything when i'm high
don't you want some of this?
don't you need some of this?
you shove your hair down my throat
i feel your fingers in me
tear this bitter fruit to mess
and wrap it in your soiled dress
now you must spit out the seeds


all dried up and tied up forever
all fucked up and dead to the world...

Well i am pissed!!!!!!!!the bitch just came over and try to force me to drive her to the damn store, well NO!!!!!!yeah thats what i told her, so fuck off already!!I hate it when ppl force me to do things i din't want to, damn bitch.If you are reading this, i don't care, cuz thats how i feel.
Well, its official, i am single for 2 years now. And i am beginning to feel that need to have a partner thingy. Sigh too bad she is so far away, what the fuck is wrong with me?? when she was crazy over me, i just brush he off, and now i am missing her like crazy. Just fucking sad, and i feel like the biggest loser on the planet.

Aww fucks, stucked in the office nuthing to do, this sucks!!! Got whoopped wit snooker gain.

heh..looks like i can't stand the missing links in here, die bastards.........dieeeeeeeeeee. Revert back to v.3.

Well i'm back blogging, i wonder why tho, it had been like 6 months, but for the past 6 months, nothing much had happened. Most of all every one thought that i have quit blogging. Heh, now i can start all over, without any one know anything anymore. Now i can spill what ever i feel like telling.